"I TRIED TO STOP IT"
January, 2007.
Alice Miller - Associated Press
Orb Union, Central Parliament - In what can only be described as the trial of the era, Kira Yamato, charged with conspiracy, has opened up to the public about his attempts to stop the world of the Cosmic Era from falling into public disfavor. "I made every effort to try and push our universe into popular opinion, but all we seemed to do was alienate our original supporters and be ravaged by the vocal minority. I am disgusted at what we have become."
Kira stands with Shinn Asuka, the crew of the Archangel and Mu La Flaga, in a desperate attempt to draw attention away from the notable failings of the past three years. On no less than three occasions, female members of the Archangel crew were asked to leave the courtroom and were warned to get their chest examined before returning to explain an excessive amount of bosom bouncing. In one of the worst hits against the Archangel crew, former ship's captain Murrue Ramius was forcibly removed after her breasts began bouncing out of control and knocked out two guards as she attempted to swear in and make her case.
Kira Yamato, pilot of the Strike Freedom, Freedom and Strike G.U.N.D.A.M. mobile weapons is at the forefront of this issue, having been singled out for being "Too Effin Good" and managing to single handedly defeat entire armies without effort. The judge responsible for this case, who has asked to remain anonymous, was quoted as saying: "Boy, don't you ever have to pee? Or eat? Hell, I don't think I've ever seen you have a muscle cramp either. Normal people get carpal tunnel syndrome mashing keys as fast as you do."
Kira has made every effort over the last 24 hours to make it clear that he was forced into his situation and was strongly opposed to the idea of an unparalleled powerhouse. "Being all powerful only serves one purpose - blowing lots of crap up. Even that can get old after almost 70 episodes. I was supposed to be relieved of my position at the end of CE 71, but for some reason, just as Shinn was starting to take over position from me, I was recalled."
Shinn Asuka refused comment, muttering to himself and listening to a small pink cell phone during court recesses.
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The truth will set you free.... Or convieniently give you a giant death dealing super robot.
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