ROBOT RACISM UPSETS RESIDENTS
January, 2007.
Cybertron - Veteran Autobot Optimus Prime spoke on the Autoism faith today at the 45th Annual Cybertronian Optikah Celebration. Of the less than 100 Autobots remaining after the great war, more than 50% have converted to Autoism in the last 3 years, having found many similarities in their beliefs in Primus to Judaism on Earth.
Optikah is a celebration of the preservation of the matrix of leadership for the eight days following the death of Optimus Prime (since reborn) which was passed to Ultra Magnus and then was stolen by Galvatron, only to be recovered and utilized by Rodimus Prime to destroy the evil Unicron.
Prime spoke heavily on Autobot values - truth, justice and that freedom is the right of all sentient beings. However, it seems that those Autobot values have been slighted by a superiority complex recently. Decepticons wanting to join in the celebration of Optikah have been turned away or refused entry. In some cases, Decepticons have been assaulted or even shot by Autobots unwilling to allow what they consider a lower class to participate. "Those Decepticraps need to get their own holidays. Why do they always have to ruin our fun? That bastard Rumble came over here earlier, asked if we needed a drummer for the band. Geez, don't you have any of your own friends to annoy?" said an anonymous Autobot.
We were only able to find one Decepticon willing to speak with us on the matter. "SQUUUUUUUUUUUAK SQAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUK SQUAAK SQUAAAAAAAK," said Laserbeak. We wish we could have gotten more out of Laserbeak, but he was between appointments when we caught him.
Prime responded to allegations that Decepticons were being excluded with a short written statement, received by The Gunion offices.
"It is regrettable that the Decepticons fought against us in the great war, and some tensions remain among individuals. While as a whole the Autobots will welcome the Decepticons to join in our celebration, certain individuals among us cannot be expected to contain our feelings."
Another Autobot, who asked not to be named had this to say on the issue: "ME GRIMLOCK HATE STUPID DECEPTICONS! ME GRIMLOCK EAT DECEPTICONS AT OPTIKAH DINNER. THEY TASTY. ME GRIMLOCK KING OF OPTIKAH BUT OPTIMUS IS KING OF GRIMLOCK SO I GUESS GRIMLOCK NOT KING OF OPTIKAH BUT I EAT DECEPTICONS!"
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Grimlock, leader of the Dinobots is one of the most strongly opposed to open robotic religion.
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